Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize
