if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
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