I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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