I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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