I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
