I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize