I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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