Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
