You're my little dorito
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
