Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
