I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
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