She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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