We won't sleep together?
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He felt like a one man threesome
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
