please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
