So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Also, beer. Big fan.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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