i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
