He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
