Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
