Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
