eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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