don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
