Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
