She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I would ride that face into the sunset
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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