Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
