I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
