You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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