I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
