I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
