dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
