yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
