Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
