So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
