It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
