I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
