The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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