a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
