If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
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