i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
