I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
