Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
