i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
