Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
