did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
