i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
