If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
