You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
