The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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