Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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