i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I just made the most “single life†Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
