Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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