Umm I'm too high to move.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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