If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Randomize
