I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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