Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
