I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
