We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
