I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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