Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
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