Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
