Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
