Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
