I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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