I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
