so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
