you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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