we have officially lost it.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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