I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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