You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
