my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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