I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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