i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
