her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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