there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
