How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
