I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
These tits shall not be calmed
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
