I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
