i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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