She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
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