Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Randomize
