You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
